We did a Question and Answer night at Crossfire and didn't get close to answering all of the questions. I am pretty swamped right now so turned this over to Web Monkey.
Scott.

What are the "saints"? (Not the football team)

I know this can be confusing since some religious traditions use the term saint as some kind of super or elevated Christian. But actually the saints referred to in the Bible are actually followers of God. So if you have chosen to have Jesus as the Lord of your life then you too are a saint. And I don't know about you but that is the best thing I have been called this week!
Signed,
Web Monkey

Why does God allow us to sin?

Good question and it can be put in with a number of other questions like 'Why did God permit other religions?" and "Why didn't God make us all follow Him automatically?" and "Why do we have 'free will"?" The answer is that God created us (who He refers to as His Masterpiece!) to be in fellowship with Him. In other words He wants us to have a real relationship with Him. To actually love Him. Yes he could have made us to automatically be in love with Him but that would meaningless. We would be like robots and our emotions would mean nothing. He values our love and wants it given to Him freely.
Signed,
Web Monkey

How was God created?

That seems like a logical question but actually assumes that God was created, He wasn't. He has always been. John 1:1-2 says "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning." "The Word" is another name for Jesus in the Bible. Jesus is part of "the Trinity", along with The Father and Holy Spirit. And Jesus existed before anything was created.
Signed,
Web Monkey

If I am timid about sharing Christ or my belief with my friends what can I do? Or what can I tell them?

This is a common question for you humans. You guys are very concerned with how other humans see you. I don't really understand this trait but I will attempt to help you.
First off I am encouraged that you are thinking of how to share with your friends. I have heard telling others about Jesus like one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread.
You are correct that God expects us to be willing and able to talk to others about Jesus. 1 Peter 3:15 says "Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. and if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it"
So make study of your Bible a priority, and soak up as much information about who Jesus really is as you can. That way you will "be ready to explain it". Until you feel ready ask your friends to come to CF or other Christian events. And don't be afraid to talk to them now. If you don't know the answer just tell them, "Great question. I don't know but give me a few days and I will ask my youth leader and get back to you".
Signed,
Web Monkey

Hi Web Monkey,
Friend problems… She and I used to be really good friends and we would sit by each other every day on the bus. Then she went and found other friends (in the popular group) and sat by them on the bus without telling me. I tried sitting with her one day, and one stop later she asked me to move. I have also heard that she is calling me a dork behind my back. I am really depressed and frustrated. What do I do?
Sincerely,
“The Dork”

Dear "Dork",
Looks like friend trouble is getting epidemic! I must be honest here, who you describe doesn't sound like she is your friend any longer. That might be tough to hear right now I know.There is always the possibly that teenage friends can grow apart, especially as interests or schedules change. I think that the best adivse I can give is to start investing yourself in other friendships. Remember, true friendship takes work--you are to support each other as well as hold each other accountable and help each other grow. (Proverbs 27:17)
So how about you look at the end of the school year as a great time to kindle new friends? This could be the start of friendships that last a lifetime!
Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Web Monkey
I'm having a few problems at school, whenever I hang out with my friends I'm always the one who just sits and listens. It feels like I'm invisible sometimes, and when I try to talk someone always talks over me as if I'm not important or something...what should I do?
Signed, Invisible

Dear Invisible,
Yes, school lunchrooms remind me of the jungle canopy when the Gibbons are in the area---non-stop chatter with everyone wanting to share their story. “Did you see those bananas down by the big rock in the river?” and “Can you believe how thick the fleas are this year?” and “Do you think that my tail makes my backside look big?”.

Sometimes it is easy to get lost in the crowd. Being in a big group can be fun but for many of us with more quiet personalities we can feel pretty insignificant. If this is you, then spending time with friends in small groups is very important. Try setting up times to spend with just you and one or two friends. Maybe a semi-regular sleepover would work. Perhaps going out to a dinner once a month before Crossfire would be a good idea. You sound creative and I’ll bet you can come up with lots more great ideas.
Signed,
Web Monkey

Hi Web Monkey,
If we are God’s children, why are we supposed to fear God?
Signed, Confused

Dear Confused,
That is a great question and I can see that for humans it might be tough to understand the language here. For a monkey such as myself it is little trouble at all. You see I not only speak 9 human languages but dozens of primate tongues. (Gibbon is my favorite I think) The Bible was written in two languages mainly, Hebrew and Greek and there can be several definitions of what is translated as fear in bothof these languages. The word for fear in Hebrew "yare" can be defined as fear, reverence, respect or awe. In Greek, two words are used, "deilia" which means timidity and "phobos" which can mean frightened but can also mean reverence. So, we who are walking in the paths of God, have nothing to fear from God but He is worthy of our reverance and awe!
I hope this helps.
Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Monkey,
Why is that you will never reveal yourself?
Signed, Curious

Dear Curious,
I am far too busy to make personal appearances what with all my correspondence here and my side jobs as Dean of Science and Technology at M.I.T. and taste tester for the Told lunch room. Besides becoming a public figure when you are a primate is a dangerous business now-a-days. (Just ask any of those diaper-wearing chimps that show up in the news all the time)
Signed,
Web Monkey

Hi Mr. Web Monkey,
There is this one kid in my P.E. class that is kind of different.  Like the kind of different where he tries to act funny and cool but it doesn’t work out. During stretching, he is being teased by some popular kids that sit next to him. They dare him to get married to one of the popular guys, ask him embarrassing questions, etc. He is laughing along with them but I can defiantly tell that he is getting hurt. I want to stand up for him but I can’t find the guts. My BFF is friends with these people so I am nervous that they will give me a bad reputation and tell my friend. What should I do? He’s a really nice guy if you really get to know him but most of the kids in my classes don’t realize how  un-different he really is.
Sincerely,
Gutless

Dear Gutless,
That is a tough one. I know that one of the things that takes the most courage for a junior high student is to stand out from the crowd even when you know it is the right thing to do. And judging by your letter you already know what that is. Here is a bit of scripture to encourage you. It is Jesus giving one of his most famous talks to a big crowd of people.

Matthew 5: 7-12
God blesses those who are merciful,
      for they will be shown mercy.
   God blesses those whose hearts are pure,
      for they will see God.
   God blesses those who work for peace,
      for they will be called the children of God.
   God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right,
      for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
 God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way.

Now go do what you know you must—you will be blessed for it!
Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Web Monkey,
In Leviticus says "an eye for an eye, a fracture for a fracture (etc.)" but Jesus later goes on to say many times in the New Testament you should forgive someone "not seven times, but seventy times seven." I am confused. Someone is supposed to get what they give out, yet be forgiven? Can your Royal Monkeyness enlighten me in the meaning of this????
Signed,
Eye guy

Dear Eye Guy,
I can see how these verses might be a conundrum for you. You see the passages you refer to about "an eye for an eye" along with many others in the Old Testiment were written during a time when it was pretty much survival of the fittest. At that time if someone accidently knocked your eye out, a perfectly acceptable responce for you would be to kill him--or kill his entire family! God put in place a system of laws to bring people into some type of fair system of getting along. These laws were put in place mainly just until the Savoir arrived. Jesus said in Matthew 5:17 “Don’t misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to accomplish their purpose." You see Jesus was the fulfillment of the law. So the standard set for us by Jesus far exceedes the law. In Matthew 5:38–39 Jesus said "You have heard that it was said, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” But I tell you, do not resist an evil person."
So, as Christians, we are to strive to meet the standard Christ set for us.
Good quesion,
Web Monkey

Hi Web Monkey,
My friends mom just found out she has breast cancer. He has been being really mean to me. I really just want to tell him to shut up and I don't know, just tell him to stop. I have held back my anger for so long but I don't know how long I can hold it back. I feel really bad for him and when I hear about what he is going through, I start to cry. What do I do?
Signed,
Sorry and confused

Dear Sorry,
Lots of us will lash out at friends when we feel that we are in an out- of-control situation. I would guess that your friend is very scared right now and his life at home is strained no doubt. So you are an easy target for him to take out his frustrations on perhaps. This doesn't excuse the behavior but might explain it. So what can you do? Pray for him and his family and let him know that you are praying for him. While you are at it pray that God will use you to minister to him he needs friends that love him enough to stand alone side him right now. Jesus told us to love our enemies so He must certainly expect us to love our friends, even when they are tough to love.
Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear web monkey
Is Crossfire going to Dare 2 Share this year? I know that the church is in a financial crisis but I am really excited about it this year.
-dare 2 share fan

Dear Fan,
Since we have gone three years in a row we thought we would take a break this year. However, Scott tells me that you will be viewing a very cool NEW Gospel Journey that was filmed in Hawaii in January! Sounds really cool.
Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Web Monkey,
I accidentally told my friend that she won’t be going to heaven someday because she is not a Christian and now she kind of hates me for that. What should I do?
And Are you a myth or a stuffed animal and why hasn’t anyone ever seen you?
– Curious in Carnation

That is a tough one even for such a brilliant primate as myself. We all make mistakes and God expects us to. We are very blessed to worship a God who actually wants to forgive us! How great is that? As you have learned, (the hard way) people need to know about their eternal path but it is usually not very helpful to say things like, "Oh by the way Betty you are going to burn in hell please pass me the catsup?". Our job is to share Jesus with them not to condemn them. People need to know that we love them and want the best for them before they really care what we have to say to them. So what to do now? I would go to your friend and tell her how much she means to you and that you messed up and would she forgive you? And because you care so much about her you can't bear the thought of not having her chillin in heaven with you. Tell her that God wants that even more than you do! (John 3:16) And if she ever has any questions about heaven, Jesus, sin, or whatever that you know lots of CF leaders who would be thrilled to get her some answers.
Now to your second, and third question. I have never been so flattered and insulted in the same question. I mean a myth? That is pretty cool! Who wouldn't want to be called a myth in their own time? But a stuffed animal! That does not even deserve a reply. I will chalk it up to human rudeness.
As far as why has anyone not seen me? Scott keeps me coupled up in the studio 24/7 so there isn't much opportunity to do the social circuit. But Dan sees me all the time.
Signed
Web Monkey

Dear Web Monkey,
Do you like any other fruit besides bananas?
Signed,
Fruit Lover

Dear Fruit Lover,
Fruit other than bananas? Why on earth would there be a need for fruit other than bananas? The idea is preposterous.
Signed
Web Monkey

Dear Lost,
I am sorry to hear about you and your friend growing apart. Your question doesn't explain why you feel uncomfortable going to your friend's home now. That makes it difficult for me to give you much of an answer.
But as a general answer, people deal with grief in different ways so perhaps your friend seems a bit different to you now? Losing a parent in Junior High is very traumatic and so we could expect that your friend might have some difficulty in behaving like she did before her Mom's passing.
What she needs now if your love and you can do her great good by just letting her know that you still love her and are praying for her during this difficult "season" of her life.
Signed
Web Monkey

Why does the monkey look like Scott Thompson? Is the monkey actually his brother?

Dear No Name,
Why are you talking to me in the third person? I don't expect much from humans but even so this is pretty disrespectful!
Well I will try and over look what I assume is pure ignorance.
I get that question a lot. Frankly I don't see the similarity between Scott and I. I think my chin is much stronger than his and I don't have that Frankenstein forehead thing going on that he does. But back to your question, no. One of us was born in a very scary and dangerous place and the other in the jungle of SouthEast Asia.
Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Mr. web monkey,
My parents were raised as Catholics and never taught me anything religious. One day a good friend asked me to youth group and ever since I have been working toward being a good Christian. But I do not know how to tell my parents about this, and because of that I have not been able to get a Bible. My parents believe that me going to the youth group is just a social thing for fun. But its not just that, its where I can pray openly without being judged and I love it. How do I tell my parents? What should I do?
-New and confused

Dear N&C:
First off WELCOME to CROSSFIRE! How wonderful it is that you have found a place where you can worship the God of the universe and feel safe and loved at the same time!
But you did seek my wise consul so let me get to it. You have got what could be a very tricky situation on your hands so perhaps you would benefit from my vast knowledge in giving you some background first.

Many humans are confused about the differences in the various types of Christianity (called denominations). Basically all of the types of Christianity came out of the church that the first followers of Christ started in about AD 33. It didn't’t have a name or denomination. The people who attended the church called themselves Christians, plain and simple.

Since then Christians came up with different ways of doing certain "churchy" things and different ways of viewing various aspects of their faith. Sometimes these were very slight differences and sometimes they were more significant. Over hundreds and hundreds of years these caused people to form different denominations.

Crossfire’s home is at Duvall Church, which is part of the denomination called Evangelical Methodist.  Your parents associate themselves with the denomination officially called the Roman Catholic Church. Its roots can be traced back to the original church formed in the first century.

There are some significant differences between those two denominations to be sure. However the most important part is the same, they both call Jesus Christ the only Son of God.  That is whom they worship and that is whom their faith relies upon.

Now as far as your parents go. Even I, the great Web Monkey, have to admit you know more about them that I do. But perhaps you can consider the following ways to address your problem.
1. Perhaps your parents will respond better than you think when you tell them that you are interested in finding out more about the Jesus of the bible (the same one that is talked about in Catholic churches) If you show them respect and respect for their wishes then perhaps they will see the wisdom in allowing you dig deeper in your faith.
2. Is their some adult whom your parents may respect that can go with you and talk to your parents with you? Maybe a Crossfire leader or some other committed Christian that may be able to alleviate their potential fears.

In any case I recommend that you ask you God for guidance and that you also confide in a Crossfire leader who will also pray with you. If you don't want to ask them in person you can contact them on the "Contacts" section of the website.
Signed,
Web Monkey

Hello web monkey!
Would it be a sin or something to go to a different religious church? Say a Mormon church with a friend? if we did go then would it be right to join in on their prayers and different things they do?
-Just Wondering

Dear Wondering:
I can tell by your question that you are both serious about your faith and concerned about being a good friend. You impress me! (And that is not easy to do I must say) It is not wrong to go visit another church with a friend. That is actually a good way to demonstrate friendship in that you care enough about them to experience something that is very important to your friend. But it is not something you should do often.

Here’s why: If you visit a church that is not Christian then they are not following the God of the Bible, our savior and Lord. So when they worship they are not worshipping God. When they pray they are not praying to God. You must carefully listen to their teaching so you are not accepting something that is contrary to the Bible. I certainly don’t think it is a good idea to take part in any songs, prayers or actions that are directed to their misunderstanding of God. That would be idolatry. So beyond a few visits I don’t see any value to going to a church that doesn’t believe in God.

In the case of the Mormon church: Mormonism is not Christian despite what they may claim. We have many significant differences in beliefs such as:
Jesus - most importantly, we believe that Jesus is the one and only God who exists in unity with the Holy Spirit and God the Father…this is referred to as the Trinity.
Jesus is also the co-creator of all things (John 1)…he was not created. Jesus is our Savior and Lord.
Salvation - It is by grace that we have been saved…not by any works on our part. It a gift from God (Eph 2:8-9).
Bible - We believe that the knowledge revealed in the Bible is sufficient to understand God and the practices that he desires from us. We do not accept any additional writings to be inspired from God.
I hope that this helps!
Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Web Monkey,
What’s your opinion of maturity, what makes someone mature…?
Signed,
Curious

Dear Curious:
Where I come from maturity is not throwing your doody at someone even when they really deserve it! But if you don't live in the jungle canopy then maturity might be best explained as taking responsibly for your actions.
Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Web Monkey,
What is the most money you have spent on a pair of pants?
Signed,
Curious

Dear Curious:
Pants? I have never understood the need for them. I think with my hair it would be uncomfortable.
Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Web Monkey,
If somebody is beating you up aren’t you allowed to defend yourselves even if it hurts them a little bit?
Signed,
Curious

Dear Curious:
You are curious aren't you? Well this might be different then what you have heard from others but in my opinion Jesus did not teach that you couldn't defend yourself. My proof is in Luke 22 where Jesus tells his disciples "and if you don't have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one." Why would he tell them to buy a sword if it wasn't for self defense? You would not use a sword to eat with right?

But Jesus told Peter, after he cut off the ear of the guard, to put his sword away . I think that was because Jesus knew that he must be arrested and didn't want Peter hindering this for no reason. Jesus lived with Peter for 3 years! Don't you think Jesus would have known if he carried a sword before than night?

Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Web Monkey:
If God created us, why do scientists say that we evolved from monkeys?
Signed,
Monkey Free in Monroe

Dear Free:
I have received several questions along the same lines are yours. And I have given this a lot of thought since, if true, you and I could be cousins!

Here is the deal; the knowledge of men changes but the word of God does not. So for the past several hundred years men who are referred to as scientists have come up with the idea that humans must have evolved from monkeys. This is a guess on their part since nobody has ever witnessed this change and there isn’t evidence to support it. It is just the best theory that scientists can come up with that fits their current knowledge.

Other conflicts between what men believe and what the word of God says have come up in the past. You probably heard that for thousands of years scientists believed that the earth was flat. But ISAIAH 40:22 says, “God sits high above the round ball of earth”. (The Message) Remember that this is in the Old Testament, recorded hundreds of years before Jesus was born. So scientists discovered that the earth wasn’t flat hundreds and hundreds of years after the word of God already declared that it was round.

Here is the bottom line. Can we prove, with the current evidence, that humans evolved from monkeys? Nope. Can we prove, with the current evidence that humans came from one man and one woman, Adam and Eve? Nope.

God is in the miracle business and He could have created the universe from a jar of peanut butter. I think what it comes down to is that a lot of you humans don’t want to accept the fact that God exists. Because if God exists the next question is “What does he want from me?”

Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Web Monkey,
Why did God make kids that have Down’s syndrome? And why do bad things happen to Christian people?
Signed,
Questioning

Dear Questioning,
These have been troubling questions for many people through out the ages. Being a monkey and not a person I might have a slightly different view but here it is.

Your questions are similar I think and could also be asked “Why do bad things happen to the innocent?” Or "Why do nice people suffer?" The sad fact is that the world is under God’s curse because of man’s sin. (Genesis 3). Romans 8 talks about the earth being “in bondage to decay”. Basically God made the earth wonderful but it got screwed up because we rebelled against God.

If we are talking about Christians in particular we have another possibility. The Bible tells us, in Hebrews 12 for instance, that God disciplines us just as any father would children. If your little sister starts to run out into a busy street your father would discipline her right? Your sister might think that “dad is being mean” because she can’t see the big picture. Your father loves his daughter and wants to make sure that she doesn't make that mistake again because he knows how serious it is. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT ALL BAD SITUATIONS THAT CHRISTIANS FIND THEMSELVES IN ARE CAUSED BY SIN. But sometimes God can use trials in our lives to teach us and to help us grow.

Also, the Bible doesn’t promise our lives to be without trouble once we accept Christ as our savior. Just the opposite in fact.
John 5:20 “No servant is greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also.” (Jesus is talking here)

1 Peter 4:12,13 “do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”

The Bible is filled with stories of strong Christians having bad stuff happen to them. So we should’t be too surprised when stuff like this happen to us. If we ask Him, God will give us strength to deal with these situations.

HERE IS THE GREAT NEWS to both of your questions, in the end, all of those who have placed their trust in the Lord Jesus Christ will have their sufferings taken away. Revelations 4 says, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Signed,
The Web Monkey

Dear Web Monkey,
I have a hard time understanding how God is 3 in 1?
Signed,
Mystified in Monroe

Dear Mystified,
First I want to say congratulations to you on submitting this very challenging question. I had no idea that human junior high students were so smart! You don't look that smart to me. I have noticed that many of you can't even figure out how to pull you pants up past your underwear!
The idea that God is three persons in one has plagued Bible scholars for centuries. They even invented a name for it. They call it “the Trinity”. So you are in good company if you say that you have a difficult time “getting your head around” the idea. It’s a mind blower!

Even I, the Web Monkey, have trouble putting it into words but here goes.

The Bible teaches that there is only one God. (Isaiah 43:10, Isaiah 44:6-8, Isaiah 45:22)

The Bibles teaches that there is one who is called the Father and is identified as being God. (1 Peter 1:2)

The Bible teaches that there is one who is called Jesus and is identified as being God. (John 1:1-3&14-18, John 20:28-29, 1 John 1:1-4&5:20, Philippians 2:5-8, Revelation 1:17-18, Revelation 22:12-20)

The Bible teaches that there is one who is called the Holy Spirit and is identified as being God. (John 14:16-17, John 15:26, John 16:7-15, Acts 5:3-4, Acts 13:2, 1 Corinthians 12:4-18, Hebrews 9:14, Hebrews 10:15-18)

We know that God is three persons, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit because the Bible tells us about it. We see an example of this in Mathew 3:16, 17
As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."
This passage shows the three persons of God doing different things at the same time.

These and many more passages prove that God is three persons in one but that doesn’t make the concept any easier for most us to understand.

Some people have tried to compare it to things that we know of, like water.

Water can be a liquid, a gas and a solid, but it is still the same thing.

I don’t know if any illustration can really let us understand fully who and what God is, we just know that He is.

That is how God being 3 in 1 is to us I think. We can know it’s true but can’t understand it how it really works.  The good news is that in heaven we will be clued in to it. I for one, can't wait!

Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Web Monkey,
My middle schooler really, really, really likes Thursday evening Crossfire. He looks forward to it every week. Do you have any suggestions on how to get him to really, really, really like homework? And, one other question.......Do monkeys really have bad breath?
signed, Desperate in Duvall

Dear Desperate:
Well I don't know anyone who likes homework. It is kind of like picking fleas--not much fun but it has to be done! If you don't do it you will have to repeat 7th grade or be covered with fleas--depending on which you are avoiding.
As far as the bad breath issue goes, monkeys are no more prone to bad breath than most other primates and our breath smells WAY better than Orangutans and most 7th grade boys. (those dudes are nasty!) Personally I am never without a box of Altoids near by.
Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Web Monkey,
I have two questions: Do you have suggestions for how to stay steady on reading my Bible every day? And what is your opinion of Scott Thompson?
Sincerely,
Bookworm

Dear Bookworm:
Keeping regular with your Bible reading can be challenging. If you are like me, my Bible reading time always seems to be the first thing that I drop if my day starts getting overbooked. What I have found to be the best for me is to get up 15 minutes earlier than I need to and do my reading before my day gets out of control. So then not only do I not feel bad about neglecting being in the Word but it also puts my day on the "right track".
The answer to your second question is complicated. (Mainly because Scott reads this column fairly regularly and he is my banana supplier.) I can truthfully say that Scott is a joy to hang around with in very short durations.
Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Mr. Web Monkey,
I will be a 7th grader this year at Tolt. Last year I forgot to wash my gym clothes until April and when I brought them home my Mom complained about them BIG TIME. How can I avoid this happening this year?
Signed,
Clueless in Carnation

Dear Clueless:
First off it is not "Mr. Web Monkey", just Web Monkey. Normally I would not even read your submission after such a screw up but I am feeling generous today.
To answer your question, try to develop a more attentive nature. If you notice that each time you walk into the gym several people either gag or actually vomit you might want to think about taking your gym clothes home.
Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Web Monkey,
My science fair project was a disaster last year and my friend Kyle who was helping me had to get stitches because of it. Can you give me any ideas for this year?
Signed,
Out of ideas

Dear Out of Ideas,
When I was in school anything to do with bananas was a winner but Tolt is a bit different from my school. (more animals at Tolt I think) How about your central idea as something like: "How would regular lunchtime food fights effect school morale?" Think of how fun the experiments and research would be!
Signed,
Web Monkey

Dear Web Monkey,
Can cows be potty trained?
The Cow Avenger

Dear Avenger,
Judging by how the Snoqualime River smells about now I would have to say the answer to your question is no.
Signed,
Web Monkey